In a Moment
by elohimdancer319
Summary: Jinter. Jing Mei Chen comforts Carter after a tragedy. When he shows up at her apartment drunk, something takes place. PG13 for adult situations, nothing explicit. Editing in progress.
1. Time

Disclaimer: Like most authors on this site, I would give my right arm to own ER. Unfortunately, I don't. These characters are not mine, only the storyline is. Enjoy!

In A Moment's Time

I stood next to Carter on the roof of the hospital. I tried to console him but he just pushed me aside. He was hurting and had a right to be. Abby had just committed suicide with her long time lover, alcohol. Lovely way to die when mixed with a bottle of sedatives. She couldn't even leave quietly; she passed out in the ER.

John felt responsible. He had tried to save her. He had put his heart and soul into bringing her back to life and had lost both when she died. It was over before they brought her to Trauma One. When Luka called time of death 10 minutes ago, John had fled up here. I might as well not have followed because the last thing he seemed to need was me. I tried again to reach him, this time gently touching his arm.

"I'm sorry, Deb." John turned around and wrapped me in a hug."She's dead and I couldn't do anything to stop it." I stroked his hair and let him cry. After all, what are best friends for? I never liked Abby. She was a helpless, worthless alcoholic who was about as happy as a morgue. She made John smile and I'll always be grateful for that, but then there were the times where he looked like he hadn't slept in months. It was all because of her. This job had added sorrow and age to a face that had once seemed ageless and full of joy. Abby Lockhart hadn't helped much either.

I was the first to see her drop and watched as John rushed over to her. It was Carol Hathaway all over again, but with one deadly twist. He started yelling out orders for IV, pulse, and finally a stomach pump. It almost worked but she went into cardiac arrest, the coal dribbling down her chin as her body convulsed. Luka shouted for a crash cart and we worked on her for 45 minutes. It was over. Luka had tears in his eyes as he called it. I truly believe a part of him still loved her.

We lost her. The realization rolled over us like a wave. The whole group was there for her, to try and to save her. All of us were there to witness her death. No one escaped the feeling that their best effort just hadn't been enough.

"Carter, it wasn't your fault. She couldn't handle it. Hell, your probably the only reason she lived this long. She loved you and you loved her but it was her choice. She took the pills. Sinking into a depression is only going to hurt those who love you. It won't help anything. We don't want to lose you too, Carter. I don't want to lose my best friend." I cradled him against me as we sunk down onto the hard concrete. I rocked him back and forth.

"I won't do that Deb. I could never do that to you." I heard him whisper. Curse her. I hope she rots in hell for what she put him through, is putting him through even now. It felt like we sat there for an eternity. My beeper went off at the same moment his did. Forget personal tragedy, duty calls. We slowly picked ourselves up. Someday I'll tell him that I love him. For now I'll have to be content to watch over him and honor my promise to Lucy. 'Thank you Lucy' I prayed. Back to the ER and life.


	2. Silence

In a Moment's Silence

A couple months later, I was sitting on my couch. I had actually found the time to watch CSI: Miami. It was okay and it wasn't like I had anything better to do. There was a knock on my door. I sighed and got up to answer it. John was at the door looking very drunk. I let him in anyway. Alcohol. His new drug of choice. What I wouldn't give to join him and let the pain go, if only for a moment. I pushed Michael out of my mind. Now was _not_ the time to feel sorry for myself.

Briefly, I wondered if it works for him, if it helps him to forget. Then I saw the truth.

It doesn't. The truth is there. The pain is clear in his eyes. Those chocolate brown eyes could never keep anything from me. His reality, his feelings, they were all there. John looked away and stumbled over to the couch, just barely making it. I sat next to him. It didn't take long for him to start.

"Deb, I don't mean to complain, but I didn't think I could miss anyone this much. Not even Bobby. I feel so guilty. I should have done something, anything, to save her." I had to listenclosely to hear his words through the drunken slur.

"But you did, John. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I've been telling you that for months. This isn't the way to get over her, you-"

"-shouldn't try to drown my problems in 'a bottle.' I've heard it all before."

"You still do it though. That's what is so frustrating. Then again, I really shouldn't be surprised. Abby drank-"

"Deb, don't psycho- (hiccup) analyze me. You're not even a psychologist."

"Fine. I'll just let you drink yourself to death. Is that what you want, to die like her?" I was getting angry now. Damn him for doing this to me. For making me care enough to put down my walls and love him.

"I just miss her. That's all. I miss her…" He hiccupped and then I watched as a tear slid down his cheek. The momentary silence spurred me into action. I couldn't stop myself, I kissed the tear on his cheek and it was transferred to my lips. Our eyes met again. There was something different there, a flash of emotion mixed in with the pain.

He hesitated a bit before softly kissing my lips. I responded without a second thought. It wasn't long before we were completely lost in each other. A thousand thoughtsfloated through my brain. _'This is wrong, he's drunk.' 'He isn't even over her yet.' 'He came to you for comfort, not sex.''You'll probably end up being a one night stand. An outlet for his pain.' 'But this is the moment you've been waiting for. He finally wants you.'_ I pulled back, the thoughts just too overwhelming. But then he turned those eyes on me, questioning me, and I knew it was all right. For now, this is where I'm meant to be.

The next morning, I got up and made coffee and grabbed the Tylenol. He would need both after last night. A headache was almost a guarantee, I winced, but hopefully not too much vomiting. Oh well, I'll take things as they come. However, the next thing wasn't what I expected it to be. I heard a car start out front.

He left, without even saying goodbye. Why I listen to that voice in my head, I really don't know. I want to believe it when it tells me someone finally wants me. I sighed and sat down. _'And, like always, you believe it. You allow someone in and they break your heart.' _It was going to be a long shift. Embarrasing moments and awkward run-ins would be inevitable. I could handle those, but if he completely ignores me I think I just might break down.

My own tear escaped from its prison, with no one there to kiss it away.


	3. Flight

In a Moment's Flight

It was ruined, either way. Our friendship would suffer from this, a one night stand. I don't know what I would do without Carter. He was there for me through med school and through my pregnancy. He was there to pick up the pieces when I gave Michael up and after my break- up with Pratt, he helped me. I don't want to lose the 'connection' we have. I can't imagine how we'll get past this. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he had a valid reason for walking out like that.

I stepped through the ER doors and went to the lounge, dreading the long shift ahead. Susan came in and was soon followed by Carter. He didn't even look at me as he got what he needed and left. I tried to hide the hurt as Susan joined me at the coffee counter.

"Hey Jing- Mei, ready for the ER?" She asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Who's ever ready for a shift at County." We laughed at that. "I heard you and the rest of the graveyard shift went out and partied. How was it?" I looked at her. She laughed again and shook her head.

"Everyone got completely wasted. We had fun, but I was the only one who stayed remotely sober." She laughed. "You should have been there with us, even Carter was there. Between you and me, he was completely trashed before we even got to the bar. Then he left not too long after we arrived, wandered off to God knows where. He's really taking Abby's death hard and I'm starting to worry about him."

"I started worrying about him the minute her heart stopped. I've been trying to get through to him for three months and I'm his best friend. Drinking seems to be his way of dealing with it. At least it isn't drugs this time, like with Lucy."

"Yeah, I heard about that. Poor Carter, he's been through a lot. Maybe it'll help if he talks to someone."

"What do you mean?" I looked at her over my mug.

"I mean a therapist. Why don't you suggest it to him?" I looked at her like she'd grown another head.

"You're kidding, right? John would never agree to seeing a therapist."

"You're the closest to him, he needs help, Deb." I ignored the nickname, just because it was Susan.

"Are you're sure he'll actually listen me to me?" Susan drained her coffee and threw it in the trash.

"Yeah, of course. Haven't you seen how closely he listens to you? Anyway, I got to go, I think they need me. Promise me you'll think about it."

"I will. I ought to get going too." We exited together, wading through another busy shift.

I didn't see John until the end of the day. He had fallen asleep on the couch in the lounge. It was Sunday morning and this was the first time I had really taken a good look at John since Friday morning. The tears had long since dried and I was ready to face the music. I leaned over to kiss his soft lips. I was surprised to find that he responded. I pulled away as he opened his eyes. He yawned and then looked shocked when he saw me bending over him.

"Deb, what's with the wake up call?" He sat up and rubbed his face.

"We need to talk."

"You couldn't have woken me up another way?" I laughed.

"But that was so much fun." He ran a hand through his hair as I sat down next to him on the couch.

"Not really, but you're right, we do need to talk."

"What happened Thursday? Did we ruin a friendship, start a relationship, or lose both?"

"I got drunk, we did something that wasn't supposed to happen."

"Then the next morning you run off, without saying a word. Why?"

"Well, I didn't want to hurt you, Deb. Being with me could do that and the last thing I want to do is put you through more pain. I need to get over Abby before we can think of starting something. Once that happens, I'm all yours. No questions asked."

"You know this isn't about me, John. Maybe a tiny part, but not all of it. You still feel guilty about a lot of things. I don't even think this has to do completely with Abby's death either. I know because we've circled around that so many times it's not even funny. And you're drinking Carter, that really needs to go. You're a doctor for God's sake. You know what it does to your health. It doesn't solve problems, it creates them.

That was part of Abby's problem; she kept trying to drown her problems. The problems are still there after you're sober." I looked into his eyes. I wanted the funny, carefree Carter I knew in med school. The one I'd fallen in love with. Yet he's been through so much that I can't help loving who he is now.

"So what do you think I should do? Get a shrink?" He looked skeptical.

"Maybe that's what you need. After I gave up my baby for adoption, I had to see one."

"What makes you think it'll help?" His anger was making its presence known in his tone.

"Trust me, it helps." He sighed.

"I don't need therapy Deb. And I'm not going to fight you on this. Just give it up. I'm over 21 and can legally drink. It's my problem and I'll deal with it however the hell I want to. I'll just make sure I don't run into you while I'm doing it." With that he left, most likely to either get drunk or go home. Hopefully, the latter. I left after a moment, a frown on my face.


	4. Hurting

In a Moment's Hurting

Two weeks later, Kerry called Carter into her office. I knew what it was about; she had asked my opinion earlier that day. Everyone had noticed the change in John. It was almost back to when he was on drugs, maybe even worse. The door closed and everyone went back to work, knowing that they would hear about it sooner or later.

"I got ten bucks that says he gets therapy for a couple months." Lydia said.

"Five that he gets suspended." Luka chipped in.

"Twenty that he gets a year of therapy." And so it went until most of the staff had placed a bet. I rolled my eyes. One more reason why I love County as much as I do. John stepped out of the office, followed by Kerry. He didn't look too happy; I'd say he got therapy. At last, someone got through to him, even if it wasn't me. I really hope the therapy works, for both our sakes.

I don't know why I never saw the other side of Carter. We've been best friends since God knows when, and now he finally sees me in the same light. Well, he agreed to a relationship. I'm a little worried though, because of the span that his relationships last. I don't want to get burned…

In the next two months, Carter visibly improved. He stopped drinking and he told me that the real issues were finally being taken care of.

"It's the guilt that overwhelms me," he told me one day, "I've lost so many people that it becomes a little harder to bear after each one. I think Abby was the last I could take. The worst thing is that I bottled it up, never talking about it. Not even to Abby. It's the thing that killed every relationship I've ever been in. It became harder with Lucy and Gamma's deaths, and impossible after Abby died to even think of a commitment. I think I'm past it now. I'm ready for _us_, Deb."

"I don't wanna be your rebound girl, Carter."

"I can promise you that won't be the case. You are my best friend and I would never intentionally hurt you. Besides, I'm not the only one who clams up." Carter smiled then. I rolled my eyes.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever. We were talking about you, not Abby." What was meant as a joke soon turned sour as I saw the pain written in his eyes. "Carter... John. Don't take it that way. Oh God. Come on, I was only joking. I'm sorry." I hugged him, feeling really awful. But Carter played it down by acting as though he was only teasing me back.

"You're the one who can't take a joke, Deb." He laughed weakly and pushed away from me. I could tell it was half-hearted. _Shit, now you've done it._ I attempted a recovery.

"Ok, ok. You win. I got to go. Dinner tonight?"

"Sure I'd be honored, Mickey D's at 7?"

"Yeah." I picked up some charts from Admit and went about my business tending to patients in the ER. The physically, mentally, and emotionally sick. What fun...


	5. Breath

In a Moment's Breath

Carter came to check on me after his session. I hadn't been feeling well and called in sick from work. He seems to be doing better after three months of therapy and I was really happy for him. John was almost himself, the John I knew from med school. After our talk in the lounge, I began seeing changes in him. His smiles were more frequent and his laughter always near the surface.

When I opened the door for him, the first thing I smelled was food. 'Wrong move, Carter.' I thought. The smell of food had been making me sick all morning. What little breakfast I had managed to get down was suddenly all over John. He grimaced and helped me over to the couch. Vomit was all over his shirt, but none had gotten on his pants.

"I guess food wasn't a good idea, huh? I think you have one of my shirts. Let me go find it." I waved him on, making my way to the bathroom.

"Check my closet. It's probably in there somewhere." He went to change and a few moments later he was holding my hair as I gagged into the toilet bowl. Nothing else came up but John grabbed the trash can just in case and placed it by the bed. He then put me in it, under the covers. I watched him move around the room, making sure I had everything I would need. That included the phone, the hospital number, his beeper, cell, and home phone.

"Hey, I'll have a way to reach you for sure." He laughed and kissed my forehead.

"I'll be back later. If you need me, call. Until then..." John started to walk out the door.

"John, wait. Could you stay, at least until I fall asleep?" He looked over at me, checked his watch, and nodded.

"All right. I can stay for a little while. I don't have to be at the hospital for another hour yet."

"Come cuddle with me." He walked around the to the other side of the bed and kicked of his shoes before climbing on top of the comforter. He wrapped an arm around my waist while the other supported his chin.

"No breathing on me though. I don't want to get sick as well." I intentionally tried to turn around and blow on him but he saw that and started to tickle me.

"Uncle, uncle! I give. Don't make me sick again, John. I hate throwing up." I said a few moments later.

" How did you ever survive pregnancy then?"

"I really don't know. I hated the first three months." We looked at each other… oh no that wasn't the reason, was it? I could see the wheels turning in John's head. I mentally went over my calendar. How could I have missed something like this? I was too tired to think right now. Sleep sounded like a good idea all of a sudden. We could talk about it later. Before I drifted off, I felt Carter slip his hand up from its spot around my waist to my stomach. I smiled as he kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes, content with what the future might hold.


	6. Awakening

In a Moment's Awakening

I woke up to find John and I entwined. He was on his back, asleep, and I was leaning against him. My hand was curled up on his chest and his chin rested on my head. I groaned when I looked at the clock. My shift started in an hour and a half. I detangled myself from John and headed for the shower.

As I was getting out, I heard John getting up in the next room. However, I didn't have much time to dwell on that before I had an overwhelming urge to vomit. This time John had to hold up both my towel and my hair.

_'I hope I'm not pregnant. I don't think I could handle a child. I do not deserve the privilege after what I did to Michael. I'm sure Carter would be happy, but I'm just not ready. But I could never have an abortion if I am pregnant, not Carter's baby. It goes against everything I believe. What am I going to do?'_

Feeling better I shooed John out so I could get dressed. When I walked out into the living room he was sitting on my couch, seemingly lost in thought. I smiled.

"So what do you think we should do, Dr. Carter?" He looked over his shoulder and smiled back at me.

"I do believe you're in need for some blood work, Dr. Chen." I put my hands on his shoulders and he covered them with his own.

"But seriously John, what are we going to do if I am pregnant?" I leaned over to see his face.

"We'll deal with that bridge when we come to it. However, just so you know, I would be thrilled if you are pregnant. If you aren't, we can always try again." He said with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. I laughed and kissed him.

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Well, I guess we're going to need to take a "sick" day. I'm already late, as it is. I'll call Weaver, and you set up an appointment with the OB- GYN at Mercy. And I'll need some clothes, so a stop by my place would be good." He pulled out his cell phone and started dialing. Fifteen minutes later we were in his jeep pulling out from his apartment on our way to Mercy.

For all the worrying involved, it turns out I wasn't pregnant, just the flu. John caught it from me three days later. I returned the favor and nursed him back to health. True to his word we tried again and struck the "mother load", so to speak. For the first time, I can say I'm happy with my life. I'm seven months pregnant, married and in love with my husband, John. We're working at a place that just kinda gets into your blood. Where else? County.

The End

A/N: So how did you like it?


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